Why am i so ugly?
I read something beautiful about being ugly recently and was just blown away by it. Here it goes. It’s worth a read.
This is a story from being a person who myself had plenty of ugly moments back in the day – you know those moments where you’re just utterly convinced that your appearance is simply not good enough but also being a person who nowadays feels most of the time completely fine with the way I look.
Beautiful isn’t it? It doesn’t matter how you look, because I believe, Beauty is all about perception and no good soul is ugly!
why do we feel ugly?
Well there can be a case you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Now what is BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER??
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) causes people to believe that parts of their body look ugly. People with BDD spend hours focused on what they think is wrong with their looks. Many times a day, they do things to check, fix, cover up, or ask others about their looks. They focus on flaws that seem minor to others.
People with BDD:
Focus to extreme on their looks. With BDD, people find it hard to stop thinking about the parts of their looks they dislike. They focus on specific things — like a pimple on their skin, or the shape or looks of their nose, eyes, lips, ears, or hands.
Feel upset about their looks. People with BDD feel worried, stressed, and anxious about their looks almost all the time.
Check or fix their looks. With BDD, a people feel the strong need to check their looks over and over. For example, they check their looks in a mirror, ask others how they look, or “fix” their looks many times a day.
Try not to be seen. Some people with BDD feel so bad about their looks they don’t want to be seen. They may stay home, keep to themselves, or use makeup, hats, or clothes to cover up. Some people with BDD avoid looking in mirrors because it is so stressful.
Have a false image of their looks. People with BDD don’t see their body as it really is, or as others see it. The flaws they focus on are things that others can hardly notice. They feel sure they look ugly, even though it’s not true.
If you think you might have BDD:
- Talk to a parent, therapist, doctor, or other adult you trust. Tell them what you’re going through.
- Keep all your appointments for therapy. It takes time and effort to change the way you see yourself.
- Be honest and open with your therapist. Let them know if you feel depressed.
- Let others give you support. It helps to know you’re not alone.
- Be patient. It takes time and effort for therapy to relieve BDD. Work hard in therapy and don’t give up.
Other reasons can be:
• Society’s pressure to ‘look pretty’
The pressure of perfection ??
Because beauties are prizes for our society. And beauty is like a statue which is for society’s enjoyment.
Your beauty isn’t for the society. People are immoral if they use their beauty to manipulate other people. Your beauty doesn’t belong to the society.
These are all ancient patriarchal ideas that society supposedly condemns, but are still deeply embedded in how people behave, our jokes, our stories. Women and men behave as they do because that’s how others behave without really understanding why they do it and what lies beneath it.
• Being hard on ourselves
Stop Being So Hard on Yourself !!!
Being hard on yourself is not only ineffective, but it is also a hard pattern to break.
How can you take a more balanced, emotionally equanimous approach to your performance? To start, create psychological distance from self-criticism by personifying it. Then, consider your performance on aggregate versus zeroing in on a singular negative event. It helps to keep an eye on the bigger picture. Next, try to consider what could go right in equal measure with what could go wrong. Then, try to time-box your negative feelings: set a timer and allow yourself to fully experience and process your emotions during that period. And finally, expand your definition of success by broadening your scope of what qualifies as a “win.” And then here you are totally BEAUTIFUL my friend !!!
• Self-esteem and Confidence
Having a low self-esteem and confidence not only impacts how you feel about and treat yourself, but it can even affect your motivation to go after the things you want in life and your ability to develop healthy, supportive relationships. It plays an important role in a variety of areas in life, which is why having low self-esteem can be such a serious problem.
Poor self-esteem can sometimes leave you feeling like you don’t deserve care and consideration. Work on reminding yourself that you need care and look for things that you can do to show kindness to yourself, no matter how small they may be.
• Being influenced by social media, magazines and tv shows
Well this is the dark side of social media or any other media influencing.
So there are constant comparisons…. One of the ways social media can hurt your body image is by exposing you to images of “idealized” body types, causing you to compare yourself to them.
People end up creating unrealistic ideals for themselves based on what they see and feel distressed when they aren’t able to meet those ideas or self-expectations.
What else ?
• Toxic teenage sisterhood ?
• Talking about your own flaws to push others up ? (Stop doing this my friend)
• what imperfections are you afraid of ?
Your stretch mark? Colour of your body? Or thinking about fat thighs? Double chin? or you yourself are bored by your body?
What if i ask you a question…. Do you remember first time you felt ugly?
I am damn sure you can’t answer this !!
So my friend….
Start feeling good in your body and skin. Your stretch mark are sexy. We don’t need to hide/ treat/ fix/ get rid of any of our unique traits. YOU ARE UNIQUE MY FRIEND.
It should be like I DON’T BALANCE – I HIGHLIGHT and i am absolutely gorgeous as i am.
Now how to Build Self-Esteem for your looks
If you are dealing with low self-esteem, there are several things you can do to help improve how you feel about yourself.
Notice Your Thoughts
Start paying attention to the automatic negative thoughts you have each day. When these negative thoughts take hold, work to actively identify cognitive distortions, such as all-or-nothing thinking and jumping to conclusions. Then, replace these distortions with more positive thoughts.
Practice Self-Acceptance
Let go of the idea that you need to be perfect in order to have value. If this is how you feel, it can be helpful to work on accepting who you are today.
Self-acceptance doesn’t mean that you don’t have goals or things that you might want to work on changing. But it’s important to recognize that you are worthy of love and esteem—from yourself and from others—exactly as you are right now.
Value Yourself
Spend time thinking about the things you have accomplished and the things you are proud of. Allow yourself to appreciate your worth and your talents without making comparisons or focusing on areas you’d like to improve.
You don’t need to be better in order to value yourself—but learning to value yourself can help you work toward your goals.
It can be helpful to think of yourself as you would a friend. How would you treat someone you care about who was in the same situation? In many cases, you may find that you would give them understanding, patience, empathy, and kindness. Show yourself the same unconditional support instead of beating yourself up for looking ugly.