Reasons I hate Beaches

I admit to being conflicted about all of this because the sea is beautiful to see. There is something soothing about the sound of waves endlessly crashing against the land. Like an open fire, birds in flight, or a forest in a windstorm, it is easy to become mesmerized by the constant movement at the border between solid and liquid worlds. We make pilgrimages to the ocean to gaze reverentially into the salty pool from which we crawled 400 million years ago, and we are reminded that somewhere far beyond that watery expanse are other civilizations both different from and similar to our own.

While it might not make sense to some people, the beach hate struggle is real! For real !

So while I’m not here to convince you to hate the beach, I’m speaking to those who feel my pain.

Here are 12 reasons why i hate beaches a lot !!

1. The heat and the humidity could kill you

It’s sticky, it’s muggy, and the air feels thick—these are expressions to describe moisture in the air. This moisture comes in the form of an invisible gas called water vapor. The term for the moisture in the air is humidity.

When the humidity levels are high, the air is already full of water vapor and has no room for more. Sweat will not evaporate. This leaves the body feeling hot, moist, and uncomfortable. The body will not cool down under this condition; it is easy to become overheated. Public health officials always recommend minimal physical activity when the weather is hot and humidity is high to avoid several heat-related illnesses.

You could die in your own sweat and your body will be covered in sand…

Reasons I hate Beaches

2. Dumb people force others to get into the water.

Why does getting in the water have to be a group activity? Live and let live!

3. There’s sand everywhere!

I don’t like sand, it’s coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere.

I hate it when I get out of the water and sand sticks everywhere to my body.

Sand gets on everything and its presence is basically as permanent as a tattoo

It’s in your hair, it’s stuck to your butt, it’s between your toes and when you go to adjust your sunglasses, BAM it’s in your eyes (forever scratching your cornea). Not to mention that when it comes time to leave, no matter how many times you make trips down to the surf to wash off your sandy feet, it’s impossible to trudge back up the beach and all the way to your car without collecting at least a bucket-full of seashore along the way.

It’s also abrasive. They make sandpaper out of it. When the wind blows, it gets all over your stuff and into your hair, mouth, and eyes. Finally, sand may look clean and smooth, but don’t kid yourself. We all know that dogs pee in it, seagulls poop in it, drinkers pour the dregs of their beers into it, and smokers stub out their butts in it. The beach is a combination cat box, ashtray, and trash receptacle that practically naked people frolic in.

4. People stare at your body parts

I don’t like going to the beach because people stare at me and I don’t want the attention unless I ask for it.

It’s sometimes a place to “hit on girls” to “hook up” and it can be a place to “see people and be seen by people.” I really only like that kind of thing unless I want to go out and look for it, or I am trying to make some money through sex.

When approached, I like to be nice to people, I hate being mean to people, so I’m usually a cool chill person, but that also means that I’ll have to talk to boys and men the entire time, and sometimes I just wanna be by myslef and not answer alot of questions or turn down alot of dates.

5. Just a bunch of half naked people.

Reasons I hate Beaches

6. Beaches are glorified landfills

Yes – white sand, immaculately-kept beaches do exist . But chances are, your casual weekend beach romps are to run-of-the-mill stretches with garbage of every variety. We’re talking napkins, cigarettes, dried up seaweed, empty soda bottles, broken buckets and pails, and plastic bags galore.

7. Seagulls (Need I really say more?)

I don’t know about you, but being dive-bombed by a seafaring rat with wings whilst trying to eat a sandwich is not part of my R&R routine. The squawking demons have become way too comfortable around people, assuming ownership over whatever food beach-goers have lugged through the dunes in a wheelie cooler, and that’s not ok.

8. Sunburns are inevitable despite copious sunblock reapplication

And what about that sun? The star at the middle of our solar system makes all life on this planet possible, but direct exposure to its rays for more than a few minutes is not healthy for our hairless species. I’m light-skinned, and as a child, I endured the burn and peel cycle that was so common back in the days when we naively used “suntan lotion” and not 50 SPF sunscreen. Although sunscreen, if carefully applied, will protect you from the burning rays, aerosol sprays are smelly and sticky, and lotions and creams are gooey. As soon as I apply them, I want to run home and take a shower.

Some light-skinned people still think a tanned body is a desirable thing, and they spend hours lying in the sun turning from time to time like a slow-motion rotisserie chicken. This is just wrong. It is my impression that tanned skin is far less fashionable than it used to be, in part because today we know it leads to prematurely aged skin. No one wants that. If you really long for that bronzed look, it’s probably better to do what busy celebrities and politicians do: spray it on with a can.

Ask any pasty person and they’ll probably have tall-tales of horrific sunburns gone summers by. SPF 30, 50, or even 100 is no match for the sun’s piercing rays, and no sunhat seems able to cast a wide enough shadow. Save for wearing a head-to-toe wetsuit, sunburns are just part of the awful package.

9. People pee in the ocean like it’s their job

I know that the ocean is massive and constantly moving, but that doesn’t make me any more accepting of the fact that thousands of gallons (I’m assuming) of pee are just being whooshed around willy-nilly.

10. Touching seaweed is revolting

It’s slimy, it’s smelly, it’s creepily always wrapping itself around your leg when you’re swimming. And god knows if you’re beaching it with friends, they’re throwing it at you every chance they get.

11. Crowds are infuriatingly unavoidable

Just like theme parks, malls and Times Square, the beach is always crawling with far too many people. Lounging beach towel to beach towel with perfect strangers isn’t what I’m about. Nor is having their potato chips blown across my blanket when a particularly strong gust of wind catches them by surprise.

12. Beach activities

let’s consider beach activities. Many people lie on blankets and chairs talking to each other for hours on end. I love all my friends and family members, but as a committed introvert, I cannot imagine being entertained by them for more than an hour — two, at most. I know I risk offending someone by saying so, but the thought of spending an entire day gabbing it up with a group of people — no matter who they are — sounds like punishment. Family reunions are a similar form of torture for me.

Other people do more physical things. Again, the kids seem to be having the real fun building sandcastles and playing with beach toys. Among grownups, beach volleyball is particularly popular, but is this really a good idea? Volleyball is a terrific game, but why play it on a shifting uneven surface in the hot sun? I’ve always thought beach volleyball was an excuse for the fitter species of beach-goer to look heroic while displaying their muscled semi-naked bodies.

When I’m at the beach, the thing I want to do most is read a book, but the beach is a terrible environment for this activity. The wind flips your pages, and the sun is too bright and hot. Shade can make reading bearable, but most beach umbrellas provide only partial escape from the sun and are prone to blowing over.

In general

Everyone has their own thing. It can be physical discomfort like the way the sand feels on their skin, or the heat of the sun, or even a medical reason such as thyroid issues and the saltwater causing someone to swell and have difficulty breathing.

It can also be a psychological thing or an emotional thing. Some people are hydrophobic and are afraid of water in general or at times large bodies of water like the ocean. It can be a memory thing, like engaging to the love of your life at a beach, only to have to call it off years later, and now every beach you see makes you think of that person.

Or even a trauma thing, many young teens with mental issues do feel a certain urge to go under the water, and a lot of people can be afraid of the beach because of either losing someone to this or coming close to it themselves and trying to avoid it.

Everyone has a reason. It is beautiful, but everything has a hidden secret of danger.

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