All the reasons why I hate you (+ love you)
To my ex: I hope you read this one day and remember us
I’m on my computer, and it’s my most recent entries ever since my hiatus from writing.
Truth be told, I’m on a writer’s block — but if you asked me how I felt, I swear I’d have enough tears to fill a stream, just like I have enough words encapsulated in my heart to write this letter.
I miss you, and I know I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t reflect back on the past and I should forget a bit, but you’re always on my mind — even if I try, and I really do attempt at it. Just when I think the footprints on the path are gone, and when I come to the realization that I can’t look back, my mind stops thinking. I fall into melancholy, which is a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause — but I think you know the reason well enough. You weren’t just a piece in my life, you were a whole.
As I look at the clock, five minutes have passed and I still type away. A second without you feels like forever, and maybe I would’ve liked feeling that way when we were together. I wanted to spend every single second with you. I remember the way you pronounce words wrong, stuttered at times, and leered off when you got distracted — and oh boy, you really can’t multitask. The details still get to me, and I guess I’m not over you. My words may say otherwise, but my heart can’t accept reality.
“I hate you, but love you”
I hate you for:
- getting over me
- breaking my heart sometimes
- never thinking you were good enough for me
- not always agreeing with me
- not sleeping on time
- not talking to me anymore
- forgetting about us
I love you because:
- you’re really my first love
- you’re compassionate and understanding (even when you’re childish)
- being cute to me (although you’d never admit it)
- singing for me + writing cringe
- dealing with my clinginess
- most importantly, stealing my heart
Our past plans:
- meet up + love at first sight
- kiss on a Ferris wheel
- watch a movie together
- living together and going far, far away
- study dates
- cooking + baking
- matching couple shirts
I dunno anymore, since you don’t even want to be friends.
That’s fine, but I wish you happiness since you changed my world anyways.
I still feel the same way about you, but I wonder if you ever think of me too.
Hm, I guess only time will tell.
One day, maybe, just maybe you’ll fall in love with me againI’m quite charismatic, so don’t doubt it.
I hope you’re feeling well
P.S I still love you